


Failed First Attempt

by chelztoddbrooke



Series: The Road To The Goat Farm [8]
Category: Spartacus Series (TV)
Genre: Angst, Foster Care, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22775254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chelztoddbrooke/pseuds/chelztoddbrooke
Summary: Everything was going so well. They were finally going to take that next step. Nasir was ready, or so he thought. His past had other ideas.
Relationships: Agron/Nasir
Series: The Road To The Goat Farm [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/837039
Comments: 3
Kudos: 86





	Failed First Attempt

**Author's Note:**

> Huge Trigger warning here, readers. Mentions of non-con sexual abuse. There will be a few chapters like this through out the series, but not constantly, we will get back to fluff and fun in the next chapter, but this is a very important brick in the foundation of Agron and Nasir's relationship.

They were kissing, groping, tugging at clothes and rutting against each other like horny teenagers. Then they weren't. Agron blinked his eyes open trying to piece together what happened. Nasir was on his knees in front of him. By the way his hand was buried in the smaller man's hair it was obvious what the goal was. Agron's jeans were open and Nasir's hand was fisted in the waist band of his boxers, inches away from exposing Agron's painfully aroused cock. However that was before everything stopped. Nasir's grip released. He folded down to the floor, his hands coming up to cover his face.

“Shit, Nas,” Agron swore, dropping down next to his boyfriend. He still didn’t have a clear idea of what was happening, but if he had to guess, Nasir was experiencing some kind of panic episode. While he’d never personally seen one in _this_ situation, he’d found more than a couple high schoolers having similar attacks throughout his teaching career. Not wanting to spook the man, he gingerly set a hand on his back. “You ok?” he asked softly. Nasir nodded, not removing his hands from his face. With his free hand, Agron grabbed both of Nasir’s wrists, wanting to look the man in the eye. “You sure?” he checked, studying his boyfriend’s face. The panic in his expression melted into something more akin to embarrassment.

Nasir’s cheeks flamed. He was mortified. He ducked his head, no longer wanting to look at Agron’s dumb concerned face. Everything was going so well. They were finally going to take that next step. He was ready, or so he thought. His past had other ideas. Unpleasant memories pushing into his mind just as he was about to take Agron’s cock into his mouth. The anxiety quickly flushed the arousal out of his system and he shut down. Literally. He fell into a heap at his gorgeous, beautifully aroused boyfriend’s feet. And to make matters worse, now said boyfriend was looking at him with such kindness and touching him like he might break into a million pieces.

“Anything I can do?” Agron’s voice questioned. Nasir closed his eyes and released a quick breath. This could not be happening.

“Leave me alone to die of embarrassment in peace,” he grumbled, shrugging off Agron’s hand and pushing to his feet. He raked his hands through his tangled hair as he walked to the bathroom, ignoring the feel of Agron’s eyes between his shoulder blades.

Agron waffled for a moment, trying to read the classically hard to read man who’d just abandoned him on the bedroom floor. He still wasn’t sure what had just happened, but he knew now was not the time to ask. Nasir was embarrassed and he could either leave and let Nasir wallow in his embarrassment or he could push past it and show him there was nothing to be embarrassed about. He stood and righted his jeans, carefully tucking everything back in place. While his brain had switched gears, his body hadn’t quite caught up. Once squared away, he went to the living room in search of his phone.

* * *

Nasir emerged from his bedroom. With a heavy sigh he headed for the kitchen. He needed food. He planned to eat his way out of his embarrassment. Then he would be ready to deal with whatever fallout there may be with Agron. He stopped short, barely stopping himself from slamming into the man in question.

“Agron,” he groaned, wondering what the man was still doing in his apartment. He distinctly remembered asking him to leave.

“Yes, dear?” Agron replied absently, his attention on the piece of paper in his hand.

“What are you doing?” Nasir asked, exasperated.

“Trying to pick a movie from our list, anything you’re in the mood for?” Agron continued just as absently. He quickly flipped from one side to the other, obviously comparing choices. Nasir clinched his fists, growing frustrated. He wanted to be left alone to neurotically over analyze what would probably end up being the most embarrassing moment of his life.

“What are you still doing here?” he ground out.

“Well, I ordered a pizza. So I figured I probably shouldn’t leave before it got here,” Agron said, finally looking up. His smile was soft and his eyes glittered mischievously. In that moment Nasir knew exactly what Agron was up to. He was trying to make him feel better. God, Nasir could really hate him sometimes. He wanted to wallow.

“You don’t have to do this,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Well, I thought a movie would go nice with pizza,” Agron shrugged, feigning innocence.

“Agron, stop. Seriously, you can leave. No hard feelings,” Nasir insisted. “Pun not intended,” he added with a rueful smile.

“Nas, why would I leave?” Agron asked.

“Because…!” Nasir spat, gesturing wilding towards the bedroom. Agron’s brow furrowed.

“Because we didn’t have sex? How is that any different from any of our other dates?” he challenged.

“This time we were going to!” Nasir countered.

“And we will, just not tonight. Nas, if you’re not ready, we’re not ready,” Agron replied, his tone going soft. Nasir stilled. He was leery of Agron’s understanding. He refused to be lulled into a false sense of security. He spent his whole life waiting for the other shoe to drop and more often than not it did.

“But we’ve been together…” he started to protest only to be cut off.

“A couple months, not that long. And who cares if we’re having sex or not? It’s just you and I in this relationship,” Agron pointed out.

“But…” Nasir just couldn’t let go, despite that his brain was screaming him to do just that. The evening was already bad enough, he didn’t need it to end with he and Agron shouting at each other. He clinched his jaw, reminding himself how he could be a self-fulfilling prophecy from time to time, being so afraid to lose someone that he pushed them away.

Agron could see that every muscle in Nasir’s small body was as tight as a drum. He’s pushed the little man about as far as he could. While the episode was over, Nasir was still panicking. At least this time Agron knew the reason. The fear was written all over his face. Nasir was afraid Agron was going to leave him. As much as Agron wanted to reach out and shake the man until he got it through his head how important this relationship was and that he had nothing to worry about, he decided to do what he always did and remind him.

“Nas,” he started softly, stepping towards his boyfriend. “I’m not in this relationship for the sex. I mean yes, I want to sleep with you. You are very attractive, but I can wait. I _want_ to wait. I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with, nor do I want you to feel pressured.” He tucked a stray lock of hair behind Nasir’s ear. “Please realize that you alone are worth sticking around for,” he added, almost at a whisper, his eyes imploring.

With that, Nasir melted. His body was flooded with warmth once again. This time instead of the hot flash of embarrassment, it was the thick gooey heat of affection that oozed into his soul. He rolled onto his toes to press a kiss to Agron’s lips.

Agron threaded a hand through Nasir’s dark hair, deepening the kiss for only a moment before pulling away. He smiled down at the smaller man, relieved he felt better. He wasn’t sure how much more pep talk he had in him. Feelings were like a minefield for Agron. He’d never been very good with them. Fortunately for him, that never really mattered. Until he met Nasir. So he was blindly making his way through their fledgling relationship, hoping he was saying and doing the right things. Nasir was slowly letting him in, sharing details about his less than pleasant past and Agron was doing his best to be understanding and reassuring as needed. He hoped it was enough.

“I love you, you know?” he added finally. He wasn’t sure if he said that enough, it was clear Nasir needed to hear it.

“I know, I love you too” the smaller man smiled up at him.

“If you really want me to leave, I will. But I want you to know you have nothing to be embarrassed about,” Agron offered. As much as he wanted to stay to comfort Nasir, he didn’t want to intrude if the man preferred some time to process alone.

“Please stay,” Nasir decided. “Didn’t you say something about a movie?”

“Your choice, the pizza should be here anytime,” Agron informed, giving Nasir another quick kiss before pulling away. He handed the man their movie list.

* * *

The movie ended some time ago and the TV shut off shortly after. Agron was trying to talk himself into getting up and heading home. However, the warm weight of Nasir against his chest made it a tough decision. He ran his fingers up and down the man’s spine as his mind flicked back to the beginning of their evening. They had narrowly avoided disaster, but he couldn’t help feeling like it wouldn’t always be that way. Whatever triggered Nasir would come out eventually. He just hoped he knew how to help when the time came. As if he could hear Agron’s thoughts, Nasir’s voice broke the quiet that had settled around them.

“I never thought of it as abuse. I’m not sure I do even now,” he started vaguely, just like he did with all of the conversations about his past. “It felt like bullying. Like desperate kids doing awful things to each other just to get by.” Agron pulled the man tighter against him. “It was while I was in between placements. So I was back at the boys’ home and I had just started high school. I made the mistake of taking my invisibility for granted and didn’t realize people were actually paying attention to me. I was crushing hard on a boy at school. One of the older boys caught on and figured out that I was gay. He cornered me and said if I didn’t suck his dick, he’d tell everyone. I didn’t see any other option. Plus it gave me a sort of mutually assured destruction. I may have been the one sucking his dick, but he was still getting a blow job from another boy. It looked bad all around. Luckily it only lasted for about a month. My social worker found me another family. But from then on out I was very careful. I never looked at a boy twice until college.”

“Nasir, you don’t have to…”Agron started, but Nasir waved him off. They shifted around on the couch so they were more upright, facing each other.

“Ag, I know what you’re going to stay and it’s not that. In fact, I hadn’t really even thought of that until tonight. It just popped into my head when I was…and…well, I just wanted you to know why I freaked out. I think there’s a lot of things I buried and as I get more emotionally invested with you, they keep coming to the surface. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” He took Nasir’s face in his hands and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “You’ve been through more in your life that anyone deserves. I appreciate you telling me though. I’m here to listen and help in whatever way I can. Anything you want to tell me, I’m here for.”

“But what if it gets to be too much?” Nas sighed. He had a lot of baggage. The last thing he wanted to do was drop it all on Agron.

“It won’t,” Agron shook his head vehemently.

“Agron…”

“It won’t, Nas.” Agron cut him off.


End file.
